And that's the magic point to strive for that I think most happily married people achieve. For whatever reason, I have never gotten there, which is maybe why I always want a redo.
In college, I looked back at high school and wished I could have done it differently, even though I was (what I've been told) what every other person wished they could be: I was Homecoming King, dated the captain of the cheerleading squad/hottest girl in the area (while hooking up with every other one), Prom King (but didn't go), QB on the football team/three sport star and playing varsity as a freshman and sophomore, in the very smartest classes yet my classmates knew I didn't study, was the center of attention when I would walk into any sports event at other high schools.
But there was also a lot of shit:
- Two friends/football and baseball teammates died in an accident when I was in high school.
- A girl I knew but never hung out with (she went to a rival high school) told her school guidance counselor that we were dating and that I was physically abusing her. Two years earlier, I briefly dated/hooked up with her younger sister for a couple of months, but that is the only way I knew her or was ever around her. The few days it took before I was vindicated for that was fun. Somehow, she got accepted and went to either West Point or Annapolis.
- A friend of mine played the same position I did in baseball and went to a rival high school. It was determined that his mother was sending anonymous letters to two college coaches who had offered me telling them that I was on steroids.
- The mother of two schoolmates called my mother one night. Her oldest daughter was in my grade. Her youngest daughter was a year or two younger and was/is albino. The older daughter was told by one of her friends that she heard me walking down the hallway asking a person I was walking with "who would ever date that girl? I mean, look at her." Of course, I never said such an awful thing, but it was pinned on me.
- As a sophomore, the police came to my house, because I was reported to be breaking apartment windows on Halloween. Two sisters who were older than me said they saw me doing it, but I was never even close to those apartments that night nor was I breaking anything when out with a small group of friends.
- The mother of a girl from a rival school, the mother of one of my girlfriend's best friends, and two random woman saying shit about me in front of my girlfriend's mother at a grocery store all talking shit about me, which coming from adults, seems like an MTV reality show.
I think if I were somebody else, those things wouldn't have happened.
Two of my four closest friends from elementary school moved across the country with their families right before middle school (both were wealthy families whose dads had to move for work). So I always envy the people who have that same group of 2-5 friends that they were close to from elementary school through adulthood. Kids I went to elementary school with are still "friends" in terms of social media and reminiscing/sharing stories every few years, but it's not a close friendship anymore. My five closest high school friends, besides my girlfriend of 1.5 years? Two have passed (both were extremely successful and with young families); one is incarcerated for life for killing a cop in Kentucky while high when he was 21; one married a classmate (a medical doctor) who I had a summer fling with during college so he pulled away once they started dating; and the fifth played football in the ACC/NFL, and we still make time to see each other once a year (he also is unmarried with no children). Two or three other high school friends - who weren't part of my closest friends but whom I grew up with and went to their weddings - I tend to see at other events every few years (other weddings, games, etc.), but it's odd replacing my former closest friends with them.
My closest college friends are spread all over the country (again, I think due to Marshall/west virginia having nothing to keep alums there): Four of them have never married with two of those three struggling (they weren't the brightest guys in school, didn't get a Marshall degree, and seem to have a different menial job every year, but again, I think that is why I would want a redo to be surrounded by a different quality of students). Another is in Vegas and has never married. Another has a family in Texas. Another is remarried with a large family. I keep in touch with all once or twice a year, but we never make time to meet up.
And I compare that to the guys in my neighborhood - all UCLA, USC, Stanford, San Diego State guys, and they all seem to be within pretty close driving distance to their college friends and see each other multiple times a year. So even though college was very similar to high school for me, I still wish I could have done it differently. Even former Marshall female athletes who live in California really don't see each other except for ever few years. They all have families, but maybe that is what happens for just about everybody - life happens, people move away, start families, and that takes over their lives.
Post-school, the closest friends I have met are mostly all married. One is in Chicago/Hartford with a family, one is single with no children in San Francisco, one works for me in Utah with his family, one coaches in the NFL with a large family, and one coaches college football in Colorado (not married). And I talk to a few of them on a monthly basis, but due to distance and their family obligations, it's not like how friendships used to be when in high school and college.
And maybe that's just who I am - always wanting more and better. As a middle schooler/high schooler, I remember frequently looking at plane lights in the sky at night and having an almost uneasy/anxious feeling wondering who was on that plane. Is it the girl who is looking down thinking the same thing I am and wondering where I am? As a child, I went to Disney World every year, and I recall having the same thoughts when I would see other kids at the hotel pool, in line for rides, etc. I would always wonder if their life was the Hollywood life you'd see on television shows.
I just think that many aspects of Marshall took that opportunity away.
Thanks for the session. Can you just bill my insurance provider like usual?
