. . . are fvcking gross. First, you look like a goddamn alien. Have you looked at yourself walking around? You look like one of Jim Henson's creations while he was on acid. The laws of physics say that you should be falling on your fat stomach. Second, why do you think anybody wants to see you at the pool, let alone in a bikini? You've got to be fvcking kidding me. The baby doesn't need sun. I promise. Your husband won't find you more attractive if your stomach is tanned. He doesn't want to look at that shit regardless. And what's with all of the fvcking hair running from your belly button down to your soon-to-be-disgusting vag? Are you growing Sasquatch in there or a human? I don't care what any doctor says: It's not that stretchable nor is it going back to normal in a few months. You're forever destroyed. Once past the initial hallway, your vag balloons up. It's over.
And if I am in the sun with my eyes closed, and if you stand in front of me for a second, and if I say aloud "I thought we were having another solar eclipse, but then I opened my eyes and saw that it was just your stomach," don't give me your fvcking attitude.
We all saw The Miracle of Life in health class in ninth grade. I saw that you're about to have 10 lbs. of blood, yellow crud, and puss shooting out of that thing. Let's be considerate and not get that shit in the pool just in case it starts early, cool?
And if I am in the sun with my eyes closed, and if you stand in front of me for a second, and if I say aloud "I thought we were having another solar eclipse, but then I opened my eyes and saw that it was just your stomach," don't give me your fvcking attitude.
We all saw The Miracle of Life in health class in ninth grade. I saw that you're about to have 10 lbs. of blood, yellow crud, and puss shooting out of that thing. Let's be considerate and not get that shit in the pool just in case it starts early, cool?
