The TSA

[murox]

It's pure security theatrics, an illusion that something is being done to prevent terrorism. So much money is wasted on this inefficient, wasteful, resource-consuming, time-wasting retarded government agency.

Last week my wife and I were traveling on a connecting flight to board an international flight. We always travel with carry-ons only, along with a backpack. We fly often, and it's always one stupid issue or another with the TSA. There are never uniform measures taken. Just what these uneducated, power-tripping idiots arbitrarily decide is worthy of making the trip. A TSA agent flagged my wife's bag for review and pulled her to the side. This is a bag she has travelled with for years and years, but this time the TSA agent was bored and needed to flex his power, so he wanted to confiscate some of her contraband.

He opens her bag and says "you have too much liquid." She says "how much am I allowed to have?" He said "about half of that. Maybe 3/4." I immediately step in because I'm an asshole and said "you need to be more clear. Tell her exactly how much she can have."

His superior officer comes over and now they're both rummaging through her personal items in her cosmetics bag. Touching her birth control pills, her toothbrush, etc. At this point she is getting upset, and I'm about to lose my cool and start being condescending toward both of them, asking them if they feel like they're preventing terrorism by removing a couple 3 oz bottles of lotion and contact solution from my wife's bag.

So I open up my cosmetics bag and ask "am I ok? Do I have too much stuff?" They both reply that the amount I have is ok. So one-by-one I start taking her items that they are trying to confiscate and put them in my bag. I said "tell me when I have reached my 'terrorism threat' limit.

So we leave with the exact fvcking things we originally brought, only in different bags now. 15 minutes of my life wasted talking to two sub-90 IQ power-tripping idiots, and missed my boarding zone.

 

[i am herdman]

It's pure security theatrics, an illusion that something is being done to prevent terrorism. So much money is wasted on this inefficient, wasteful, resource-consuming, time-wasting retarded government agency.

Last week my wife and I were traveling on a connecting flight to board an international flight. We always travel with carry-ons only, along with a backpack. We fly often, and it's always one stupid issue or another with the TSA. There are never uniform measures taken. Just what these uneducated, power-tripping idiots arbitrarily decide is worthy of making the trip. A TSA agent flagged my wife's bag for review and pulled her to the side. This is a bag she has travelled with for years and years, but this time the TSA agent was bored and needed to flex his power, so he wanted to confiscate some of her contraband.

He opens her bag and says "you have too much liquid." She says "how much am I allowed to have?" He said "about half of that. Maybe 3/4." I immediately step in because I'm an asshole and said "you need to be more clear. Tell her exactly how much she can have."

His superior officer comes over and now they're both rummaging through her personal items in her cosmetics bag. Touching her birth control pills, her toothbrush, etc. At this point she is getting upset, and I'm about to lose my cool and start being condescending toward both of them, asking them if they feel like they're preventing terrorism by removing a couple 3 oz bottles of lotion and contact solution from my wife's bag.

So I open up my cosmetics bag and ask "am I ok? Do I have too much stuff?" They both reply that the amount I have is ok. So one-by-one I start taking her items that they are trying to confiscate and put them in my bag. I said "tell me when I have reached my 'terrorism threat' limit.

So we leave with the exact fvcking things we originally brought, only in different bags now. 15 minutes of my life wasted talking to two sub-90 IQ power-tripping idiots, and missed my boarding zone.

Wait. You have a cosmetics bag?

 

[herdfan06]

Wait. You have a cosmetics bag?

If you call for a measure to revoke his man card, I will second it.

 

[Bankerreturns]

It's okay, it's manly looking.

 

[HerdBuckeye]

Wait. You have a cosmetics bag?

Comment of the year so far.

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

There are so many red flags with this post I don't know where to begin.

1) I realize you wear bikini style bathing suits, so they don't take up much room in your baggage. But international travel is usually more than a couple of days. How can you fit clothes and shoes for more than a couple of days in a carry-on? Is your shoe size a 4? The next step for you is a tiny house.

2) Cosmetic bag? May I introduce you to a "toiletry bag" or a "dopp kit," please?

3) You're concerned that you missed your boarding zone? Shit, I make sure that I am always one of the final few to be seated. First-class ticket? Fvck it. I'd much rather be sprawled out with my ipad/iphone getting service in the terminal until I really have to board instead of sitting and having people mean-mug me as they walk past first-class. The wifi won't start working until 20 minutes into the flight, and many of the gates have crappy cell service while sitting and taxiing. Not in first-class? Even worse- why go sit in a crammed plane when the air keeps turning off during boarding knowing you're going to be in there for hours in the near future. Enjoy the peaceful wait while all of the other morons true to hurry to board the plane but end up standing in line for 15 minutes. So, your "cosmetic bag" may not be able to be put directly above your overhead storage area. Who cares? Dump it in a bin before your seat and grab it on the way out.

4) Why do you not have a Global Entry Card? It also allows pre-check. Since I've had Global Entry, I've never had TSA fvck with me. I skip past all of the other schmucks in security, don't have my bags flagged, don't have to take off my shoes, and get to look like the pompous prick that I am.

 

[GK4Herd]

My last flight my wife and I were whisked through the TSA Precheck line. I have no reason why other than maybe I filled out an application online and forgot about it. You might consider that Nick. It's $85 and good for five years. You don't have to remove laptop, liquids, etc. Here's the site...

https://www.tsa.gov/precheck

I agree that much of the TSA stuff is for show. It's been a few years back, but flying out of Charleston heading to Disney World, my seven year old daughter was pulled aside and searched (asked to remove shoes, wand X-ray device, etc). Not me. Not my wife. Not my teenage daughters. My seven year old. She took it in stride, but that's baffled me to this day.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

Wait. You have a cosmetics bag?

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

I just went through the BS myself last week. Granted, it's important to have them, but many I've always encountered act as though their shit doesn't stink.

We even had to deal with a TSA check at the connecting flight from Atlanta to Detroit. Most of them acted like thugs, including the female Butch ones. Fortunately, I wasn't carrying my purse on me.

 

[ThunderCat98]

Favorite TSA story: I have a friend that works for the DOJ. When asked to present his photo ID and boarding pass, he whipped out his government creds (a government-issued picture ID). The TSA lady looked at him like he had two heads and shook her head no. He asked what the problem was and she copped an attitude and told him that wouldn't work. He explained to her that it was his government employee ID. She told him it wouldn't work. He had to pull out his driver's license instead, which she accepted. So, she thought a state-issued ID that anybody can get was better proof of identity than one that requires an FBI background check and affords federal security clearance. Like Rox said, idiots.

 

[19MU88]

TSA pre check is definitely worth it if you fly a lot.

Rox, check the bags man....then boarding zone becomes irrelevant. I always check bag and board as late as possible, unless in first class, then I hop on early and enjoy a cocktail while the poor people shuffle by.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

TSA pre check is definitely worth it if you fly a lot.

Rox, check the bags man....then boarding zone becomes irrelevant. I always check bag and board as late as possible, unless in first class, then I hop on early and enjoy a cocktail while the poor people shuffle by.

I agree. The folks that do the carryon stuff ruin the boarding and unboarding for everybody else. Although, on an overseas flight, or a long domestic flight, I too will carry on a few essentials. I'm with Rifle though. I always wait and am usually the last to board. Makes no sense to stand in line, and then once on the plane, stand there waiting for all the assholes to pack their shit into the overheads. I typically just walk right on, and sit down, once the chaos has ended. I feel bad for doing this now, but this past Saturday, as the plane pulled into the gate, all of the assholes had to stand up and start pushing towards the front, and I ended up with some fat chick with her ass in my face as I remained seated. After about 45 seconds of that, I decided to stand up and pushed out real hard towards the aisle, bumping her fat ass into the the dude standing behind her, which apparently was her ugly dork husband. I was hoping one of them took a swing at me, because after being in and out of planes/airports for the last eight hours, nothing gets you in a mood for fighting quite like that.

 

[murox]

There are so many red flags with this post I don't know where to begin.

1) I realize you wear bikini style bathing suits, so they don't take up much room in your baggage. But international travel is usually more than a couple of days. How can you fit clothes and shoes for more than a couple of days in a carry-on? Is your shoe size a 4? The next step for you is a tiny house.

2) Cosmetic bag? May I introduce you to a "toiletry bag" or a "dopp kit," please?

3) You're concerned that you missed your boarding zone? Shit, I make sure that I am always one of the final few to be seated. First-class ticket? Fvck it. I'd much rather be sprawled out with my ipad/iphone getting service in the terminal until I really have to board instead of sitting and having people mean-mug me as they walk past first-class. The wifi won't start working until 20 minutes into the flight, and many of the gates have crappy cell service while sitting and taxiing. Not in first-class? Even worse- why go sit in a crammed plane when the air keeps turning off during boarding knowing you're going to be in there for hours in the near future. Enjoy the peaceful wait while all of the other morons true to hurry to board the plane but end up standing in line for 15 minutes. So, your "cosmetic bag" may not be able to be put directly above your overhead storage area. Who cares? Dump it in a bin before your seat and grab it on the way out.

4) Why do you not have a Global Entry Card? It also allows pre-check. Since I've had Global Entry, I've never had TSA fvck with me. I skip past all of the other schmucks in security, don't have my bags flagged, don't have to take off my shoes, and get to look like the pompous prick that I am.

1. I've gone to Europe for 16 days and only took a carry-on and a backpack. Checking luggage is for rubes. My shoe size is 11, and I take one pair of tennis shoes (wear them on plane), and depending on where I'm going, one pair of nice shoes for dinner and flip-flops and a pair or Toms or some other casual shoe. These easily fit in the bottom of my back pack and take no space from my main luggage.

2. Semantics. Toiletry bag. It was late. It's a fvcking bag for my toothbrush, lotions, cologne, deodorant, Rogaine and hair products.

3. I'm very impatient and I usually over-pack my carry-on, sometimes making it difficult to fit in the overhead bin. Boarding the plane early allows me time and space to make sure my luggage can be stowed away, and make sure it's not behind me, which would require me exiting the plane later waiting on other people to unload.

4. I have global entry. Congrats, I don't get to take my shoes off with pre-check. The people x-raying the bags don't care if you're pre-check.

 

[murox]

My last flight my wife and I were whisked through the TSA Precheck line. I have no reason why other than maybe I filled out an application online and forgot about it. You might consider that Nick. It's $85 and good for five years. You don't have to remove laptop, liquids, etc. Here's the site...

https://www.tsa.gov/precheck

I agree that much of the TSA stuff is for show. It's been a few years back, but flying out of Charleston heading to Disney World, my seven year old daughter was pulled aside and searched (asked to remove shoes, wand X-ray device, etc). Not me. Not my wife. Not my teenage daughters. My seven year old. She took it in stride, but that's baffled me to this day.

I get pre-check because I have global entry. Still have issues occasionally.

 

[murox]

TSA pre check is definitely worth it if you fly a lot.

Rox, check the bags man....then boarding zone becomes irrelevant. I always check bag and board as late as possible, unless in first class, then I hop on early and enjoy a cocktail while the poor people shuffle by.

No way. Not leaving my belongings in the hands of the airlines. I'll keep them with me, ensuring they arrive when I do, and I don't have to wait around at the airport for 30 minutes for my luggage.

 

[i am herdman]

Reading shit like this is why I decided not to fly unless I have to. One reason I don't travel overseas unless I have to and I don't have to. The only way I will now is if it was absolutely required for my job(and they would have to make me), visit my kid if he was overseas, or if they take my old ass back to go overseas and kill ****ers.

F flying. IT sucks.

 

[Raoul Duke MU]

Rogaine?

 

[murox]

Rogaine?

Yes. Like rifle, I'm losing my hair.

Well, not anymore. I started thinning in my mid-20s and started taking Rogaine. Now it's in a holding pattern. It works.

 

[i am herdman]

Yes. Like rifle, I'm losing my hair.

Well, not anymore. I started thinning in my mid-20s and started taking Rogaine. Now it's in a holding pattern. It works.

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

No way. Not leaving my belongings in the hands of the airlines. I'll keep them with me, ensuring they arrive when I do, and I don't have to wait around at the airport for 30 minutes for my luggage.

This isn't 1995. By the time you disembark, hit the bathroom, and walk to baggage, you barely have any wait.

Take your valuables (jewelry, electronics, and toiletries) in your carry-on. If your luggage is delayed, it's a good thing. When I visited the ex-slvt in Italy, they lost my baggage for 3-4 days. I went out and bought $2000 worth of clothes, and the airline had to reimburse every single cent.

You get a bunch of free shopping when they lose your stuff.

 

[Raoul Duke MU]

Yes. Like rifle, I'm losing my hair.

Well, not anymore. I started thinning in my mid-20s and started taking Rogaine. Now it's in a holding pattern. It works.

I am losing mine and don't give a damn.

 

[i am herdman]

I am losing mine and don't give a damn.

Isn't there a nice segment of the female population that likes the bald look.

Have to look at the positives.

 

[19MU88]

This isn't 1995. By the time you disembark, hit the bathroom, and walk to baggage, you barely have any wait.

Take your valuables (jewelry, electronics, and toiletries) in your carry-on. If your luggage is delayed, it's a good thing. When I visited the ex-slvt in Italy, they lost my baggage for 3-4 days. I went out and bought $2000 worth of clothes, and the airline had to reimburse every single cent.

You get a bunch of free shopping when they lose your stuff.

got to go with Rifle on this. at most airports, my bag is waiting on me or there within 5 minutes and with my priority it's usually one of the first bags off. the airlines are getting pretty efficient with baggage.

 

[19MU88]

Isn't there a nice segment of the female population that likes the bald look.

Have to look at the positives.

it depends on how you where it....at some point you have to consider the shave. I'm not a baldy, just a somewhat early gray hair issue for me. in any case, the bald look certainly can work for many women...you just can't do the bozo circle around the sides.

 

[HerdFan76]

I wait longer for bags at CRW and HTS than any other airport. I think the pilots double as baggage handlers. It's painfully slow.

 

[sistersville]

My last flight my wife and I were whisked through the TSA Precheck line. I have no reason why other than maybe I filled out an application online and forgot about it. You might consider that Nick. It's $85 and good for five years. You don't have to remove laptop, liquids, etc. Here's the site...

https://www.tsa.gov/precheck

I agree that much of the TSA stuff is for show. It's been a few years back, but flying out of Charleston heading to Disney World, my seven year old daughter was pulled aside and searched (asked to remove shoes, wand X-ray device, etc). Not me. Not my wife. Not my teenage daughters. My seven year old. She took it in stride, but that's baffled me to this day.

I would have stayed on them hard while they were checking my daughter. Inform them how stupid they are with proof coming out after the search to verify my point

 

[ThunderCat98]

Take your valuables (jewelry, electronics, and toiletries) in your carry-on.

I'm going to assume the "jewelry" aspect is directed at a female traveling companion. Otherwise, wtf? What kind of man wears "jewelry" outside of a wedding band?

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

I'm going to assume the "jewelry" aspect is directed at a female traveling companion. Otherwise, wtf? What kind of man wears "jewelry" outside of a wedding band?

No, we have been over this before. At one point, I had a large collection of diamond jewelry (much of it female jewelry) that I enjoyed buying. I would buy diamonds from jewelers going out of business, old people in Florida who died off in estate sales, loose diamonds, etc. Over time, I have sold most of it making a decent profit.

But I still have my own assortment for personal use. With me in Texas are two diamond rings (sized for my pinkie, because when you're with hip-hop artists frequently, they appreciate a good pinkie ring), a black diamond necklace, a diamond bracelet, and a platinum Versace ring. I don't wear watches, because frankly, they are for stuffy white men . . . and are a waste considering your phone tells you the time.

 

[Raoul Duke MU]

Isn't there a nice segment of the female population that likes the bald look.

Have to look at the positives.

As long as you have a big dick they don't care.

 

[GK4Herd]

I would have stayed on them hard while they were checking my daughter. Inform them how stupid they are with proof coming out after the search to verify my point

It's actually worse than I remembered. My wife said she was only four...not seven like I said. Now that was 15 years ago so much closer to 9/11 but still.

 

[19MU88]

I wait longer for bags at CRW and HTS than any other airport. I think the pilots double as baggage handlers. It's painfully slow.

that's correct...as far as CRW goes...it's the perfect time to go get vehicle out of garage, drive around park in front of baggage claim and presto...bag there, no real delay.

 

[imherdfan]

I do 100-150k miles a year. Only time I take a carry on is when I'm going trans-oceanic. Otherwise it's just my back pack. TSA uses different protocol all over so no one can determine a routine. Some of them are dicks, some are very nice. I know a few of the agents personally at HTS, even with Global Entry, TSA Pre my computer gets picked there to check more often than not. I don't sweat it, getting upset just aggravates me and no one else. Worst experience I ever had was in Ireland when I had to basically unpack my carry on because of a few cables for my electronics. Took me about 15 min to get through.

 

[WV-FAN]

I would have stayed on them hard while they were checking my daughter. Inform them how stupid they are with proof coming out after the search to verify my point

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

I know a few of the agents personally at HTS, even with Global Entry, TSA Pre my computer gets picked there to check more often than not.

The smaller the airport, the more likely you are to get checked and/or have things confiscated. When I fly out of any upstate NY airport during the holidays, I always have my stuff checked (they also don't have a separate pre-check line). Kansas City is a very small airport, and they would always get me. Daytona Beach would always get me. Sanford (FL) would always get me. Any major airport? I never get stopped. Hell, I flew with a loaded handgun from DCA in my backpack.

Numerous times, I would fly out of a major DC airport and not get checked. Then, a week later after depleting a lot of my toiletries, KC airport would make me through them all away. That same thing happened repeatedly.

If you are up to no good, fly out of a major airport.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

KC airport would make me through them all away.

Good grief dude, how many times do we need to cover this stuff? throw, not through

 

[mlblack16.]

Wait. You have a cosmetics bag?

It's a European handbag

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

Good grief dude, how many times do we need to cover this stuff? throw, not through

No. I meant "through." I just forgot to type "go" before it.

They would make me "go through" them and they go all away.

 

[big_country90]

Enjoy the "no fly" list, murox.

 

[ThunderCat98]

No, we have been over this before. At one point, I had a large collection of diamond jewelry (much of it female jewelry) that I enjoyed buying. I would buy diamonds from jewelers going out of business, old people in Florida who died off in estate sales, loose diamonds, etc. Over time, I have sold most of it making a decent profit.

But I still have my own assortment for personal use. With me in Texas are two diamond rings (sized for my pinkie, because when you're with hip-hop artists frequently, they appreciate a good pinkie ring), a black diamond necklace, a diamond bracelet, and a platinum Versace ring. I don't wear watches, because frankly, they are for stuffy white men . . . and are a waste considering your phone tells you the time.

I'll give you the first paragraph. Makes sense. I also agree with the watch thing.

The stuff in between? You should have your man card revoked. That's worse than a guy with a cosmetic bag - not by much, though.

 

[herdfan06]

My last flight my wife and I were whisked through the TSA Precheck line. I have no reason why other than maybe I filled out an application online and forgot about it. You might consider that Nick. It's $85 and good for five years. You don't have to remove laptop, liquids, etc. Here's the site...

https://www.tsa.gov/precheck

I agree that much of the TSA stuff is for show. It's been a few years back, but flying out of Charleston heading to Disney World, my seven year old daughter was pulled aside and searched (asked to remove shoes, wand X-ray device, etc). Not me. Not my wife. Not my teenage daughters. My seven year old. She took it in stride, but that's baffled me to this day.

It is possible you never paid for it because they also randomly or "randomly" select passengers to get PreCheck on their trips and it is good for the return flight as well.

I certainly understand it is frustrating to see children screened, however, terrorists are very similar to Rifle in a sorority house in the sense they will exploit any hole(s) available to them.