What’s in the box?

[greengeezer]

This is the season of crappy gifts. Think about the last time you received something that touched you. Something unexpected and worthwhile. It doesn’t happen often.

Over thirty years ago, I received a gift that because of the holiday rush, didn’t get opened. About the end of December, when I discovered the gift, I put it on a shelf in my closet rather than opening it. Each Christmas season, I get the present down and put it under my tree. I have no idea who sent it because the card was lost, and over the years, the bright paper and ribbons have become tattered and faded.

I call the present my “never ending Christmas gift.” It can be whatever I want it to be since I never plan to open it.

 

[30CAT]

Aren't you curious? It doesn't eat at you?

 

[greengeezer]

Aren't you curious?

For about the first ten years.

 

[riflearm2]

For about the first ten years.

He meant “curious” in a different way. After all, you can’t spell “K*lly Cr*sl*p Poplar” without “slip a cok.”

I wouldn’t be concerned about what is in the box. I would be concerned about not having thanked the giver for the “beautiful [fill in the blank].”

I bet it’s actually a diary from your crush 30+ years ago. She’s the one you wanted to marry, but she was married, so she couldn’t. In the diary, she expressed her love for you and desire to start a life with you, but since you didn’t talk to her after reading it, she thought you weren’t interested.

I heard she is still beautiful, wealthy, and left her husband about 30 years ago due to being heart-broken that she didn’t have you.

 

[greengeezer]

I heard she is still beautiful, wealthy, and left her husband about 30 years ago due to being heart-broken that she didn’t have you.

Wow. You are much more imaginative and romantic on this one than I am. From the shape of the box, I was thinking more of those decorative wooden figures you stick a shelled nut in then pull a handle to crush it.

 

[30CAT]

He meant “curious” in a different way. After all, you can’t spell “K*lly Cr*sl*p Poplar” without “slip a cok.”

I wouldn’t be concerned about what is in the box. I would be concerned about not having thanked the giver for the “beautiful [fill in the blank].”

I bet it’s actually a diary from your crush 30+ years ago. She’s the one you wanted to marry, but she was married, so she couldn’t. In the diary, she expressed her love for you and desire to start a life with you, but since you didn’t talk to her after reading it, she thought you weren’t interested.

I heard she is still beautiful, wealthy, and left her husband about 30 years ago due to being heart-broken that she didn’t have you.

Keep trying, dumbass.

 

[Rock98Dog]

It’s a puppy. Well, was.

 

[riflearm2]

Wow. You are much more imaginative and romantic on this one than I am. From the shape of the box, I was thinking more of those decorative wooden figures you stick a shelled nut in then pull a handle to crush it.

That’s exactly what it is, but you’re missing the intent of the gift.

The giver - the woman you were in love with and whom wanted to marry you - was waiting for you to thank her for it. At that point, she was going to say “if you marry me, I’ll make sure to help you bust a nut every night.”

 

[greengeezer]

It’s a puppy. Well, was.

Schrodinger’s cat. As long as I don’t open the box, it is neither alive nor dead.

 

[30CAT]

whom wanted to marry you

Dumbass.

 

[marshallisqbu]

It was a tie. You’re welcome.

 

[greengeezer]

It was a tie. You’re welcome.

A good Marshall friend’s son got married about 10 years ago and I believe that was the last time I wore a tie. If that is what is in the box, it is just as well I never opened it.

 

[i am herdman]

If that is a bottle of Brut 33 you have a perfectly aged lady slayer pheromone. If it is one of those Abraham Lincoln Head cologne bottles you have a collector's item.

 

[herdfan06]