Tasteless Jokes

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

Give me your best tasteless joke.

About a month ago, I spent a few days at a national park on the Mexican border. I woke up one morning and went to the hot springs. There, there was only an older gentleman in the springs. He said for the last decade, he had driven nearly 25 miles each way each morning to start his day in the springs. A few minutes before he left, another guy joined us. He spent most of the last two years traveling and camping in nearly two dozen national parks around the country. The guy had one of the most unique personalities I have experienced. He was full of tasteless jokes; he spouted out a few dozen of them during our time in the springs.

Before leaving, he took my email because I wanted him to send the jokes.

I have a ton I want to share, but I'll share a few to start. Feel free to chime in with others. Since we are a rogue, brutish bunch, the tasteless the better:

Q: What do you call a seven year old with no friends?


A: A Sandy Hook survivor.



Q: What's a word that white people can call white people, but black people can't call black people?



A: "Dad."



Q: What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?



A: The Boston Marathon finish line.

 

[i am herdman]

What do you call the useless skin around a vagina?

A woman

 

[sistersville]

What is easier to unload a truck full of dead babies or a truck full of bowling balls.Answer---the dead babies you can use a pitchfork.

 

[sistersville]

What is the difference between a harley davidson and a hoover vacumn sweeper?
. answer--- the dirtbag goes on the inside of the hoover.

 

[sistersville]

FBI took the obama's coon dog that they had bought from Vermont. Problem was every time The kids went out to play the coon dog kept treeing the children.

 

[sistersville]

WV state capital burned down. So bad only the axle was left.

 

[Raoul Duke MU]

What happened to the black girl that had an abortion?

Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500.

 

[i am herdman]

What happened to the black girl that had an abortion?

Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500.

Oh god lmao

 

[i am herdman]

The local Catholic school catches on fire. The custodian and the priest are running out. The priest yells what about the children? The custodian says fuc^ the kids. The priest responds back and says do you think we will have time?

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

1)
It's the day of the World Cup Championship game, and three boys in the class want to go home early to watch the match. The teacher decides to hold a spelling bee. Any boy who can spell their word correctly is allowed to go home early to watch the match.

Teacher: "Tommy, spell 'dog' for me."
Tommy: "D-O-G."
Teacher: "Very good, be safe on your way home."

Teacher: "Tyler, spell 'cat' for me."
Tyler: "C-A-T."
Teacher: "Great! Enjoy the game."

Teacher: "Ahmed, I would like you to spell 'racial discrimination' for me."


2)
Q: What's worse than eating your grandmother's pussy?


A: Banging your head on the coffin.


3)
I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street, and I thought, "wait, that's mine" . . . but then I remembered mine is back home cleaning the staircase.


4)
Q: What's the difference between Princess Diana and a computer?

A: I give a fvck when my computer crashes.


5)
Q: How do Ethiopians celebrate their child's first birthday?

A: By putting flowers on the grave

 

[big_country90]

1. How do you start a parade in Ethiopia? Roll a donut down the street.
2. How is competing in the Special Olympics like arguing on the internet? Even if you win, you're still a retard.
3. How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling.

 

[Raoul Duke MU]

The local Catholic school catches on fire. The custodian and the priest are running out. The priest yells what about the children? The custodian says fuc^ the kids. The priest responds back and says do you think we will have time?

A priest and a rabbi are driving down the highway with a young boy in the back seat. The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "You wanna fvck that boy?" The rabbi says, "Fvck him out of what?"

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

1)
Jesus Christ fed 2000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.


2)
Most black 15 year olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It's their kids who cause all of the trouble.

3)
What's 9 inches long, pink, and can make my girlfriend scream?

Her miscarriage.


4)
What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lima bean on my face.

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

Here is a Joke... I can't believe i pay a membership for this crap...

You don't pay a "membership" for this board, Sally. You pay for the inside recruiting info on the premium board.

Here, I have a joke that should make anyone with a bit of intelligence laugh at for hours:

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth."

 

[big_country90]

Here's another good one. "Coal mining causes global warming."

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

Here's another good one. "Coal mining causes global warming."

Coal-fired power plants are a big contributor to it. Deforestation/mountaintop mining/surface mining only compound the issue.

I don't have a dog in this fight, just like I don't have a dog in the religion issue. I only want what is best for man. You have a dog in the coal mining issue in that it hurt your father-in-law's career. You have a dog in the religion issue in that it is your father's career. Luckily, without any bias in the issues like you have, I was able to look at all of the available evidence that science has revealed. On the other hand, the side you are on for both issues not only goes against what science shows, but it also coincidentally happens to be on the side that helps your father-in-law and father. Shocking, isn't it?

 

[19MU88]

So jokes are done?

 

[big_country90]

Coal-fired power plants are a big contributor to it. Deforestation/mountaintop mining/surface mining only compound the issue.

I don't have a dog in this fight, just like I don't have a dog in the religion issue. I only want what is best for man. You have a dog in the coal mining issue in that it hurt your father-in-law's career. You have a dog in the religion issue in that it is your father's career. Luckily, without any bias in the issues like you have, I was able to look at all of the available evidence that science has revealed. On the other hand, the side you are on for both issues not only goes against what science shows, but it also coincidentally happens to be on the side that helps your father-in-law and father. Shocking, isn't it?

You have no more proof that God doesn't exist than I have that he does. Likewise, you have no more proof that coal mining causes global warming than I have that it causes lobsters to crawl out of my ears.

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

You have no more proof that God doesn't exist than I have that he does. Likewise, you have no more proof that coal mining causes global warming than I have that it causes lobsters to crawl out of my ears.

This is why so many theists get mocked. They lack critical thinking skills to understand why their arguments are comically flawed. They really do think, like E.T. and BC, that their belief in Christianity is somehow equal to a "belief" in science.

Here, let me dumb it down for you:

I can't prove that something that doesn't exist, doesn't exist. The whole premise of religion is needing to have faith since there is no proof that any of the gods exist. Faith is needed because there is not a single shred of evidence of the claims of a higher power other than that. Why do you think the creators of Christianity made the only way possible to get into heaven based on having faith that Jesus is the savior? It's because they 1) knew it was bullshit that could never be proven 2) knew that if they made this trick about "faith" being the only way in, people couldn't fully prove otherwise.

I can't prove your god doesn't exist any more than I can prove that humans really aren't just a bunch of lice living on the one pubic hair that a giant forget to shave on his left testicle. But based on science, common sense, and rational thinking, I can be assured that isn't the case. With Christianity, all of the things they have fvcked up in the Bible gives an even stronger case to the lack of their god existing more than the giant with the one pubic hair.

This is some basic, basic shit that theists just can't seem to grasp their heads around (not all, but a high percentage).

 

[extragreen]

I KNOW there's a God. KNOW. No question. None.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron

How do they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head & Shoulders in the glove compartment.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip!

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

And one for Herd Fever...

What's the one word that begins with 'N', and ends in 'R' that you never want to have to say to a black person?




Neighbor

 

[WV-FAN]

what's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

6 year old boy in the trunk of michigan's car.


teacher had class tell what their daddy did for a living and explain it. kids tell about their dad being a cop putting bad people in jail, doctors helping people get better, carpenters building houses, etc. little johnny hadn't raised his hand and was last one.

teacher: little johnny what does your daddy do for a living.

johnny: my daddy is dead.

teacher: oh, i'm sorry, what'd he do before he died?

johnny: turned blue and shit on the bathroom rug.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

what's black and blue and doesn't like sex?

6 year old boy in the trunk of michigan's car.
.

Come on dude. Everybody knows pickup trucks don't have trunks.