She's Back

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

Some of you may remember a girl I used to bang in Florida whose boyfriend is an MLS player. A few years ago, he ended up finding out about our flings. He stayed with her, she graduated and moved out west to live with him, and I didn't hear from her for two years. I have heard from her sporadically over the last year. They bought a nice house together, and about four months ago, he proposed to her. A couple of months ago, she had a business trip which brought her about 40 minutes from me, but she wouldn't invite me to stay with her, because she knew she wouldn't be able to control herself. She's again traveling this weekend and can't help it. She needs it, so she has asked me to come visit for the night.

On a scale of one to ten, how much of a dirtball am I for flying out tomorrow to visit her for a night?

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

Nothing quite like getting murdered over someone else's piece of ass.

 

[ggmike1992]

 

[-CarlHungus-]

Best thing you could do is text the MLS guy the link to this thread and your texts with her.

Then send him a bill for legal fees and life savings saved by not marrying this girl.

 

[big_country90]

Best thing you could do is text the MLS guy the link to this thread and your texts with her.

Then send him a bill for legal fees and life savings saved by not marrying this girl.

This. She obviously won’t be faithful to him, so let him see the light before it’s too late. Guy code.

You’ll have plenty of other opportunities.

Option B would be to sleep with her, take some classic riflearm photos, and then send them to her fiancée as proof.

 

[sistersville]

or send them pics to pullman

 

[ThunderCat98]

That would make you a 10 if you did it. You have a number of women to choose from at any given time. She can't be that much more attractive or better in the sheets than your usual flavor of the week that she's worth wrecking someone's life over. Send the guy her texts and be the better man.

 

[i am herdman]

One thing to be cool, another thing to be an asshole. In addition, that is a good way to get shot. As I heard a long time ago, "they all have one of those things". Go find another one with less drama.

 

[Y.A.G Si Ye Nots]

Best thing you could do is text the MLS guy the link to this thread and your texts with her.

This. She obviously won’t be faithful to him, so let him see the light before it’s too late. Guy code..

Option B would be to sleep with her, take some classic riflearm photos, and then send them to her fiancée as proof.

Send the guy her texts and be the better man.

Does it change your stance knowing that I did exactly that three to four years ago? Instead of thanking me for helping him, he claimed I was fabricating all of the stories just because I liked her and wanted them to break up. He then went on a rant saying that I was psychotic and couldn't handle rejection. Then, when even more proof was presented showing that she was the one who had pursued me the entire time (including making the four hour round trip drive to me each time), he still didn't thank me. Instead, he talked shit claiming that I was the one at fault because I was much older than her and had too much influence on her.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

One thing to be cool, another thing to be an asshole. In addition, that is a good way to get shot. As I heard a long time ago, "they all have one of those things". Go find another one with less drama.

not to mention, but if she's a soccer roadie, she's likely fat and ugly, and Mexican. Might even be Fever's wife he's messing around with, which would explain why Fever wanted to kick his ass a few years back. Remember that?

 

[-CarlHungus-]

Does it change your stance knowing that I did exactly that three to four years ago? Instead of thanking me for helping him, he claimed I was fabricating all of the stories just because I liked her and wanted them to break up. He then went on a rant saying that I was psychotic and couldn't handle rejection. Then, when even more proof was presented showing that she was the one who had pursued me the entire time (including making the four hour round trip drive to me each time), he still didn't thank me. Instead, he talked shit claiming that I was the one at fault because I was much older than her and had too much influence on her.

Love and trust are a funny thing. Give him the benefit of the doubt.

He’s been fooled once. Fool me twice though...

If he acts like a jerk this time all bets are off.

 

[ThunderCat98]

Does it change your stance knowing that I did exactly that three to four years ago? Instead of thanking me for helping him, he claimed I was fabricating all of the stories just because I liked her and wanted them to break up. He then went on a rant saying that I was psychotic and couldn't handle rejection. Then, when even more proof was presented showing that she was the one who had pursued me the entire time (including making the four hour round trip drive to me each time), he still didn't thank me. Instead, he talked shit claiming that I was the one at fault because I was much older than her and had too much influence on her.

Not really. Just because he's a moron doesn't mean you shouldn't still be the better man.

 

[sistersville]

a guy loving drama?

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

Jesus. You all sound like a bunch of guys who don’t have 9s and higher inviting you to come and get your dick wet. She isn’t married. She doesn’t have children.

And the saying is “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” That soccer homo blamed me for lying the first time, then accepted it but still blamed me. Fine, the first time is on her. But the second time? Nope, that’s on him. And this time, she’ll be on me.

 

[-CarlHungus-]

You should aim higher to be the better man here.

He trusted his girl (who no doubt was telling him lies about you). Of course he’s not going to believe you. I’m sure she’s manipulating him and he loves her so he can’t see the logic or proof.

You tell him his girl is trash (again) and move on. He does t have kids but his life will be forever worse if he marries this girl. To you it’s a weekend but to him it’s a lifelong mistake.

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

You tell him his girl is trash (again) and move on. He does t have kids but his life will be forever worse if he marries this girl. To you it’s a weekend but to him it’s a lifelong mistake.

So what’s the difference if I fvck her a few times tonight and tomorrow and then tell him? If her intent is the same, why does it matter if fvck her or not, as long as I tell him so he doesn’t make the mistake?

 

[-CarlHungus-]

So what’s the difference if I fvck her a few times tonight and tomorrow and then tell him? If her intent is the same, why does it matter if fvck her or not, as long as I tell him so he doesn’t make the mistake?

A plane ticket you save? Or a bullet to the head if he’s nuts.

I honestly wasn’t thinking about that, I was just thinking about telling him or not.

I think half the reason you want to f*ck her in the literal sense is so you f*ck him in the figurative sense because he was a prick to you.

I’m not too hung up in the sex stuff, I’m all about him not marrying this girl.

 

[i am herdman]

So what’s the difference if I fvck her a few times tonight and tomorrow and then tell him? If her intent is the same, why does it matter if fvck her or not, as long as I tell him so he doesn’t make the mistake?

If you get shot or something, I won't feel sorry for you.You will be the Michael Brown of this forum. Dumb ass got what he had coming.

 

[-CarlHungus-]

If you get shot or something, I won't feel sorry for you.You will be the Michael Brown of this forum. Dumb ass got what he had coming.

D*cks up, don’t shoot.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

So what’s the difference if I fvck her a few times tonight and tomorrow and then tell him? If her intent is the same, why does it matter if fvck her or not, as long as I tell him so he doesn’t make the mistake?

while you're debating whether or not to have sex at 3:30 a.m., all the women are busy sleeping with others.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

If course, you might be in the Philippines buying a whore.

 

[19MU88]

He then went on a rant saying that I was psychotic and couldn't handle rejection.

Has he had professional training? that's a pretty good diagnosis for a brief interaction.

 

[extragreen]

Has he had professional training? that's a pretty good diagnosis for a brief interaction.

 

[ThunderCat98]

What does dtard have to do with any of this?

 

[extragreen]

What does dtard have to do with any of this?

Nothing. 88 is a pup, dherd is a roaring lion.

 

[mlblack16.]

Nothing. 88 is a pup, dherd is a roaring lion.

Somebody's gotta man cruuuusssshhh!

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

.

I think half the reason you want to f*ck her in the literal sense is so you f*ck him in the figurative sense because he was a prick to you.

.

That has absolutely nothing to do with it. It just shows me that telling him was and is useless.

I honestly wasn’t thinking about that, I was just thinking about telling him or not.

.

So I am obligated to tell every guy in a serious relationship when his girlfriend/fiancé/wife tries hooking up? Christ, will I get paid for the hours I spend doing that, then get paid for having to deal with the outrage of the guys when they believe their partners over enormous proof I provide?

Why am I obligated to do that? It would ruin the life of these girls as much as it ruins the life of these guys.

My old tennis partner in DC has been married for three years. While she was in a long term relationship in DC, I was plugging it. She also hooked up with her current husband during that time (he was helping her cheat). She got married in Charleston (SC). A week before her wedding, a high school friend of mine got married in Charleston, so I was in town. We hooked up a week before her wedding. I’ve gone to Tulsa and Dallas to hook up with her while she is on business trips. Hell, I have a video of her using her own fingers while she jokingly asks “Oh, do you want me to use the finger with the wedding ring on it?”

Am I obligated to tell her husband even though he was hooking up with her before they got married while she was dating somebody else? Should I have told him immediately before he sold the majority of his company for nearly $10 million to save him potential alimony? Should I have told the wife of the guy who owned the company she worked for after I found out she was hooking up with him? I mean, if I’m going to tell a guy about his partner trying to hook up with me, why shouldn’t I do that to every spouse of a cheater that I know? It’s my obligation, right? The owner of her old company and his wife have three young children. I should ruin that, right?

The girl I hooked up with is now eight months pregnant after not being able to get pregnant for two years. Should I tell her husband now so that maybe the stress causes her a miscarriage, and he won’t have to pay child support for the next 18 years?

I think many of you grossly underestimate the number of people in long relationships and marriages who cheat. I know, I know: “my spouse would never do that- it’s just not the type of person she is.” Yeah, most of these guys think the exact same thing.

while you're debating whether or not to have sex at 3:30 a.m., all the women are busy sleeping with others.

It was only 1:30 am in Denver. I fulfilled my duties for the night, showered, and was on here while she was showering.

 

[-CarlHungus-]

I dont know about “obligated” and I’m not too naive to think infidelity is rare (can’t remember where I read it but there’s a shocking number of secret bastard kids out there when DNA testing is done).

I think it comes down to us just having different lives/perspectives. When I heard your story above I thought about how I would be devastated if I was this guy if I married this chick. I perceive you as having many opportunities to sleep with many attractive women so I thought to take a pass on this one and tell the guy again. Just my take.

Certainly you can do it on a case by case basis as you’ve stated above there can be many different circumstances.

 

[-CarlHungus-]

I have no personal experience in these matters but I do find it a little surprising that you seem surprised by how this guy handled the first incident. It seems that of course he would take his fiancé's side of things and accuse you of being the trouble maker here.

I'm out of my element here, I'm not exactly a sought-after dude for the most part (70 year old patients love to tell me how handsome I am...but aside from that I get no untoward sexual offers) and my wife and I live a pretty simple life full of tee ball, ballet, kid parties, and a sunday of Game of Thrones snuggling.

Things are probably different out there in the land of beautiful people.

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

I have no personal experience in these matters but I do find it a little surprising that you seem surprised by how this guy handled the first incident. It seems that of course he would take his fiancé's side of things and accuse you of being the trouble maker here.

.

It wasn’t a surprise that he initially believed her story. It was a surprise that when an absurd level of proof was presented, he still refused to believe it. It was even more of a surprise that when she came clean (after lying to him and making him look even more like a fool), he still blamed me for it and not her. It was shocking that he found out as he was waiting at the airport to pick her up, and even after she came clean, he had her stay the week with her instead of shipping her ass back home.

And his excuse as to why it was my fault and not hers was even more surprising: I was older, hence it was my fault that she would drive four hours round trip to stay with me.

So if I’m not obligated to tell every spouse of a cheater, regardless if I am the accomplice they are attempting to cheat with, what are the rules about whom I tell on to their spouses?

 

[-CarlHungus-]

I don’t know that there has to be a rule. Case by case.

Maybe before we get there just try not to sleep with married people? Even if you’re the one being pursued just say no?

I don’t know. I’m not in your shoes, just throwing out unsolicited message board input.

 

[Dreh_Nagi_HC_IM]

Weird drama for a grown man to share on a forum. One has to wonder if Yags watches daytime soap operas.

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

Maybe before we get there just try not to sleep with married people?

.

Well, this one is engaged, so she isn’t married yet. She goes to Aruba next week to look for a spot for the wedding.

Since she’s not yet married, I’m in the clear, right?

 

[big_country90]

I know it’s a cliche, but it’s never the wrong time to do the right thing. You really ought to just leave her (and anybody else in a committed relationship) alone and not get involved at any level. The fact that a lot of people cheat doesn’t make it right.

To your response about telling him before, it sounds like he is blinded by hotness like guys tend to get. It’s his own fault if he took her back, asssuming you showed him indisputable proof of her transgression. That still doesn’t make it “ok” to have sex with her again. But, in reality, she’s the one that’s mostly at wrong here. If you were the one cheating on someone then it would be a much different story.

I’ve tried to live a clean life, and I certainly have failed at times. But before getting yourself into a situation where you have to ask a message board for advice (even if we are like one big, crazy family), you already knew what the right answer was before you typed the first letter. You just let RKP think for you instead of using your other head.

 

[ThunderCat98]

I think CH is right in that there is certainly no "obligation" for you to ever (1) back off, or (2) tell the guy. My whole thing is, you seem to have no problem getting a date. That being the case, why would you ever invite drama like that into your life, or deal with the negative kharma associated with engaging in a physical relationship with someone who is already - at least outwardly - committed to someone else? It's your life. No one's saying you have to do anything. You asked the board. The overwhelming consensus being that most here feel you should leave it alone. At the end of the day, it's your call.

 

[-CarlHungus-]

Well, this one is engaged, so she isn’t married yet. She goes to Aruba next week to look for a spot for the wedding.

Since she’s not yet married, I’m in the clear, right?

Clear as mud. Definitely better that she’s not married.

If it wasn’t cheating with you it’d probably be someone else...but it doesn’t have to be you.

I just can’t fathom a head space where you’re (in a pre meditated fashion) sleeping with a person not your fiancé and within the next week you’re planning the wedding like nothing is wrong. This seems like the most narcissistic thing ever for this girl.

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

you just let RKP think for you instead of using your other head.

That’s not it at all. If it were just sex, I wouldn’t fly 800 miles to see her. Like some of the other girls who fit this profile, I enjoy being around her. She’s personable, intelligent, and social. Very easy to get along with.

At least with this one, she isn’t off getting plugged by others. I’m her weakness which she admits to. Some of the others? Yeah, I’m not the only one they cheat with.

This seems like the most narcissistic thing ever for this girl.

With the exception of one of the girls, it’s not narcissism. It’s simply an unsatisfied sex life.

I don’t expect anyone to answer this, but how many times do you have sex with your spouse? Almost always, it’s not daily. Overwhelmingly, it’s not even weekly. Many people need it daily. However, the other spouse isn’t interested in that, can’t fulfill their needs, is boring, or maybe isn’t even appealing to the cheater.

After so long of being deprived, they act upon it. In many cases, the cheater ends up being rejuvenated and having interest in sex with their partner again.

For anyone who has cheated, after doing it a few times in a row with a person, sex with your partner is much better. It isn’t like hitting the restart button. It’s not natural to be intimate with one person for the last 50+ years of your life. That’s why cheating is so prevalent.

 

[-CarlHungus-]

Call it what you want but it’s incredibly selfish and self serving to think that because someone is sexually unsatisfied they think it’s ok to do what this girl is doing. If you’re unsatisfied then don’t get married.

Why would you enter into a marriage like this? It’s pathological. It’s deceitful. It’s not going to make her marriage better.

This girl needs therapy and to not get married right now.

This may be normal in your world but I don’t believe her behavior is normal or healthy. There are very good women out there.

 

[big_country90]

There are very good women out there

That seems to be lost in this entire conversation.

 

[C.K. Ocsevol-Evad]

.

There are very good women out there.

As there are men. But like I said, almost all couples in long term relationships don’t have sex daily. Most don’t even weekly. Some people have that need. If one partner doesn’t have that desire, it causes major issues.

I’m available to do their relationships a favor.

And to think that somebody who cheats needs therapy is absurd.