So your "logic and reason" attempt blew up marvelously in your face, so now you're trying to move on to the more cultured angle? I didn't get to Vienna during the month I lived in Milan or the month I lived in Paris. I also didn't get there during the week I spent in Iceland and Brussels earlier this year or the few days that I spent in Berlin later in the year.
But I did eat some Vienna sausage at the Lakers team spread last night. A buddy told me that he was in town, and he is a huge Lakers fan. So I called the owner of the Lakers (she wants to fvck me, like every other reasonable straight female) and asked her for some good seats. Of course, she also told me that she would have their head of security meet me after the game to take me to the Lakers locker room to meet LeBron, Jason Kidd, and Anthony Davis.
So my buddy and I walked the two blocks from my new loft to the arena and was introduced to all of them. Then, while talking to LeBron and Dwight Howard, an old friend who now plays for the Jazz (former Georgetown Hoya Jeff Green) recognized me and came up and shook my hand. Then, as Ed Davis came over to talk to a Laker, I introduced myself because his assistant/best friend/housemate is the old manager of my recording studio. When I told him who I was, he responded with "Ohhh, yeah! He told me you just moved here. Take my number and let's link up."