We all have had people die that were close to us - friends, family, co-workers, etc. About two weeks ago, a former American Legion baseball teammate died in a drug (I'm guessing meth) lab explosion/fire. It sucks, and I was upset for his family, but it wasn't something that shook me.
And I'm sure the closer you are to a person, the harder it is to get over. But have you ever had one that you just can't get over and know you never will be able to? We are wired to know our parents are supposed to go before us, so I think it's always harder when something is unexpected or happens to a younger person.
I met this girl (Amber) when I was 18 and she was 16. Amber grew up in Toms River/Seaside Heights, New Jersey. I think we were in Oneonta, NY or Cooperstown, NY for a baseball tournament (me, American Legion) and a soccer tournament (her). My American Legion team was an extremely talented but extremely rough group of kids (I believe six out of about 15 of the players on that team have already died from living life to the extreme). Hell, our head coach never played baseball in his life, was a 6'5, 290 lbs. brawler whose day job was working on road crews, and didn't care that the majority of his team was either hungover or still drunk while in the dugout. He didn't coach worth a shit (and he and we knew it), but he was the only person who would put up with being on the road with this group of kids. He was also the only one not too embarrassed to be a part of a team when a third of it was suspended by the state organization in the national championship tournament for trashing a hotel while drunk and high the night before the semifinals. But those are all stories for another day.
This girl and I hit it off immediately after she saw me playing in a game at a single A minor league stadium. For the next decade, we saw each other throughout the years. We met up in Albany, she visited me at Marshall, I went to NJ to visit her, she came to DC, etc. She was one of those girls that had I been smarter and more mature, I would have married. Sure, there was always a romantic aspect when we were together, and she pursued something more serious than I was ever ready for her at those times, but Amber was also just a kick-ass person. She was the type who everyone - no matter their background - loved. She was eternally optimistic. She was never down, always happy, and always positive to everyone. And I'm not one to memorialize people who die by claiming just a bunch of good stuff about them. I truly can't say anything bad about this girl, and I've never heard anyone say anything bad about her. She was the type who never cared about putting any makeup on. She was a take-me-as-I-am type of girl, the rare girl that age who didn't have a Facebook, hadn't posted anything in three years on Instagram (which she only had for her yoga practice), and was more about meeting up for a meal or drink in person instead of texting all day.
She was confident and a go-getter. She was a good but not great soccer player - all region in high school, won a state championship, etc. but she wasn't good enough to be recruited to play D1 soccer. She ended up playing intramural soccer at Rutgers. After a year of that, word got to the Rutgers coaches about how good she was, and she was offered a spot on the team after they saw her play in a game, which she accepted.
After college, she had a corporate sales job and quickly moved up to a management position where she had four or five account managers under her. She ended up marrying a financial adviser (Dave) who worked in Manhattan. They, cumulatively, were earning more than $300,000/year, bought their own house in Jersey, and had a very comfortable life. However, they were miserable. After their commutes home, they saw each other from about 7 pm until 6 am. After working out, dinner, shower, etc., they really had no time to enjoy each other or life. For a year, they talked about the important things in life, how they didn't want to raise children in the rat race of awful corporate jobs just for a high salary, and they decided to quit everything. Growing up, her husband had spent some time in a cool but very small town (resort area) in Colorado, and he dreamed of someday living there. She liked the idea, too, but they also needed a way to live. So while Amber quit her job to study to become a yoga instructor (which was comical watching her transform her body from a girl with soccer legs, a soccer butt, and extremely busty to a skinny and very toned yoga expert), Dave quit his job to move to that town of 1500 people and establish roots so he could get a decent job to support them.
He took his pickup truck and camper and lived in the woods for the next five months. She became a yoga instructor and set up classes teaching on paddle boards in the ocean at the Jersey shore and at a local studio. By all accounts, she was extremely popular as an instructor. Earlier in his life, he had a couple of companies - one was restoring boats and another made surfboards and skateboards. A former acquaintance contacted him and asked if he'd be interested in restoring the guy's boat that was docked in the Grenadines. The guy showed him all of the pictures of the boat, told him what needed to be done, and they agreed that it would take about three weeks to complete. The guy gave Dave the money for the job and told him that he was free to stay on the boat for the next three weeks until the job was finished. Dave had Amber come stay with him there. Working his ass off, he completed the job in just five days, so they had more than two weeks to relax on the islands. While at a beach side bar/paddle board joint, they met the owner. Coincidentally, the owner had just moved there a week ago . . . from the exact small town in Colorado (population: 1500) that Dave and Amber were going to live in. He asked them what they planned to do while there, and after Amber said she was trying to land a job there, the new friend said his buddy owned a brewery in the town and could always use help. Again, coincidentally, Amber had just applied for a job at that brewery a week earlier. The new friend called his buddy, went to bat for Amber to get the job, and she was hired by the time she had even left the Grenadines. That's just how life worked for her - people always took a liking to her and she always found a way to make things work.
They rented out their house in Jersey, and she moved out to Colorado with her husband. At that point, he was working for a landscaping company making $12/hour (he went from making $200,000/year to that) and she was doing sales for the brewery. He was literally on his hands and knees all day pulling weeds, she was selling growlers of beer, and they were ecstatic about their places in life even though they were probably earning 20% of their previous income. After being out there for a year, Dave ended up getting a job managing a restaurant/bar/music venue that was extremely popular with both locals and the constant tourists they had in the town. Less than a year ago, Amber gave birth to their first child. She was everything people want to be but never end up fulfilling. Everyone always imagines quitting the rat race and moving to the beach/woods/getting an enjoyable job with no stress and living off of the land, but they actually did it.
Since both of their families, which she was very close to, still lived in Jersey, they made frequent trips back. 12 days ago, while staying with family, Amber didn't wake up. I'm not sure of the official cause of death, but I was told that she passed in her sleep, it was complications of asthma, it was entirely unexpected, and that she didn't suffer. Nobody got to say bye to her, nobody got to tell her how much they loved her, and her 11 month old daughter didn't get to be held a final time. She was the type who guys with tattoos all of the way up their necks and huge ear gauge piercings thought she was their best friend, girls who played D1 sports wanted in their wedding parties, that her sister-in-law cherished, and that financial advisers married. She was the type you could go long periods of time without talking to, and within minutes, you picked right back up and had talked to her daily for a decade.
All of my grandparents have passed away, numerous good friends from high school and college have died since I was 15 years old, and I have understood that is part of life. But this is one I will never be able to get over. It's unfair that her husband won't get to grow old with her, that her daughter will have no memories of her, and that her siblings who were so close to her won't be able to feel whole again. But most of all, it is unfair to her, a person who did everything right, treated everyone right no matter who they were, and got cheated out of so much.
I'm the type who constantly is singing in my car, laughs out loud while listening to Stern, and throws things at the neighboring children to mess with them while I hide in my yard, but I don't think I have laughed or even smiled in 11 days. It's amazing how impacted you can be when something happens to somebody you talk to once every two years.
And I'm sure the closer you are to a person, the harder it is to get over. But have you ever had one that you just can't get over and know you never will be able to? We are wired to know our parents are supposed to go before us, so I think it's always harder when something is unexpected or happens to a younger person.
I met this girl (Amber) when I was 18 and she was 16. Amber grew up in Toms River/Seaside Heights, New Jersey. I think we were in Oneonta, NY or Cooperstown, NY for a baseball tournament (me, American Legion) and a soccer tournament (her). My American Legion team was an extremely talented but extremely rough group of kids (I believe six out of about 15 of the players on that team have already died from living life to the extreme). Hell, our head coach never played baseball in his life, was a 6'5, 290 lbs. brawler whose day job was working on road crews, and didn't care that the majority of his team was either hungover or still drunk while in the dugout. He didn't coach worth a shit (and he and we knew it), but he was the only person who would put up with being on the road with this group of kids. He was also the only one not too embarrassed to be a part of a team when a third of it was suspended by the state organization in the national championship tournament for trashing a hotel while drunk and high the night before the semifinals. But those are all stories for another day.
This girl and I hit it off immediately after she saw me playing in a game at a single A minor league stadium. For the next decade, we saw each other throughout the years. We met up in Albany, she visited me at Marshall, I went to NJ to visit her, she came to DC, etc. She was one of those girls that had I been smarter and more mature, I would have married. Sure, there was always a romantic aspect when we were together, and she pursued something more serious than I was ever ready for her at those times, but Amber was also just a kick-ass person. She was the type who everyone - no matter their background - loved. She was eternally optimistic. She was never down, always happy, and always positive to everyone. And I'm not one to memorialize people who die by claiming just a bunch of good stuff about them. I truly can't say anything bad about this girl, and I've never heard anyone say anything bad about her. She was the type who never cared about putting any makeup on. She was a take-me-as-I-am type of girl, the rare girl that age who didn't have a Facebook, hadn't posted anything in three years on Instagram (which she only had for her yoga practice), and was more about meeting up for a meal or drink in person instead of texting all day.
She was confident and a go-getter. She was a good but not great soccer player - all region in high school, won a state championship, etc. but she wasn't good enough to be recruited to play D1 soccer. She ended up playing intramural soccer at Rutgers. After a year of that, word got to the Rutgers coaches about how good she was, and she was offered a spot on the team after they saw her play in a game, which she accepted.
After college, she had a corporate sales job and quickly moved up to a management position where she had four or five account managers under her. She ended up marrying a financial adviser (Dave) who worked in Manhattan. They, cumulatively, were earning more than $300,000/year, bought their own house in Jersey, and had a very comfortable life. However, they were miserable. After their commutes home, they saw each other from about 7 pm until 6 am. After working out, dinner, shower, etc., they really had no time to enjoy each other or life. For a year, they talked about the important things in life, how they didn't want to raise children in the rat race of awful corporate jobs just for a high salary, and they decided to quit everything. Growing up, her husband had spent some time in a cool but very small town (resort area) in Colorado, and he dreamed of someday living there. She liked the idea, too, but they also needed a way to live. So while Amber quit her job to study to become a yoga instructor (which was comical watching her transform her body from a girl with soccer legs, a soccer butt, and extremely busty to a skinny and very toned yoga expert), Dave quit his job to move to that town of 1500 people and establish roots so he could get a decent job to support them.
He took his pickup truck and camper and lived in the woods for the next five months. She became a yoga instructor and set up classes teaching on paddle boards in the ocean at the Jersey shore and at a local studio. By all accounts, she was extremely popular as an instructor. Earlier in his life, he had a couple of companies - one was restoring boats and another made surfboards and skateboards. A former acquaintance contacted him and asked if he'd be interested in restoring the guy's boat that was docked in the Grenadines. The guy showed him all of the pictures of the boat, told him what needed to be done, and they agreed that it would take about three weeks to complete. The guy gave Dave the money for the job and told him that he was free to stay on the boat for the next three weeks until the job was finished. Dave had Amber come stay with him there. Working his ass off, he completed the job in just five days, so they had more than two weeks to relax on the islands. While at a beach side bar/paddle board joint, they met the owner. Coincidentally, the owner had just moved there a week ago . . . from the exact small town in Colorado (population: 1500) that Dave and Amber were going to live in. He asked them what they planned to do while there, and after Amber said she was trying to land a job there, the new friend said his buddy owned a brewery in the town and could always use help. Again, coincidentally, Amber had just applied for a job at that brewery a week earlier. The new friend called his buddy, went to bat for Amber to get the job, and she was hired by the time she had even left the Grenadines. That's just how life worked for her - people always took a liking to her and she always found a way to make things work.
They rented out their house in Jersey, and she moved out to Colorado with her husband. At that point, he was working for a landscaping company making $12/hour (he went from making $200,000/year to that) and she was doing sales for the brewery. He was literally on his hands and knees all day pulling weeds, she was selling growlers of beer, and they were ecstatic about their places in life even though they were probably earning 20% of their previous income. After being out there for a year, Dave ended up getting a job managing a restaurant/bar/music venue that was extremely popular with both locals and the constant tourists they had in the town. Less than a year ago, Amber gave birth to their first child. She was everything people want to be but never end up fulfilling. Everyone always imagines quitting the rat race and moving to the beach/woods/getting an enjoyable job with no stress and living off of the land, but they actually did it.
Since both of their families, which she was very close to, still lived in Jersey, they made frequent trips back. 12 days ago, while staying with family, Amber didn't wake up. I'm not sure of the official cause of death, but I was told that she passed in her sleep, it was complications of asthma, it was entirely unexpected, and that she didn't suffer. Nobody got to say bye to her, nobody got to tell her how much they loved her, and her 11 month old daughter didn't get to be held a final time. She was the type who guys with tattoos all of the way up their necks and huge ear gauge piercings thought she was their best friend, girls who played D1 sports wanted in their wedding parties, that her sister-in-law cherished, and that financial advisers married. She was the type you could go long periods of time without talking to, and within minutes, you picked right back up and had talked to her daily for a decade.
All of my grandparents have passed away, numerous good friends from high school and college have died since I was 15 years old, and I have understood that is part of life. But this is one I will never be able to get over. It's unfair that her husband won't get to grow old with her, that her daughter will have no memories of her, and that her siblings who were so close to her won't be able to feel whole again. But most of all, it is unfair to her, a person who did everything right, treated everyone right no matter who they were, and got cheated out of so much.
I'm the type who constantly is singing in my car, laughs out loud while listening to Stern, and throws things at the neighboring children to mess with them while I hide in my yard, but I don't think I have laughed or even smiled in 11 days. It's amazing how impacted you can be when something happens to somebody you talk to once every two years.
