May his genius (and shin) live on.
"Sure, I hate Christmas and Valentine's Day but even those have a better point than this Halloween bullshit.
Dress up your kids to look stupid and teach them to be bums. You know if I ever did have any kids (cue laughter and emphatic side to side head shaking to indicate no way in hell), I would not participate in this bullshit. You want candy? Why not just go to the store and buy it? Easier than bumming it.
Kids are better off not eating candy anyway. I ate candy when I was a kid and look what happened. Now I'm too fat. Would have been better off learning to live on weeds and rabbit food. Not to live longer, but to qualify for a woman who doesn't look like a manatee.
I quit trick or treating when I was 8 years old. I hated it. All we ever got were shitty Smarties. Smarties blow. And when you did get something good, it was just fun size. What's so fun about a dinky ass Snickers that makes you say, "Damn, I wish I had a real candy bar instead of a nibblet of one."?
I got egged by someone on route 2 driving 50 up the road. Hell of an aim. The egg was rotten. Hit me in the shin. Never again after that.
The costumes are bullshit too. Shitty masks where the eyes and nose wouldn't line up. You either couldn't see or couldn't breathe. And you had to wear a dumbass cape if I recall correctly. I hate capes. It's a wonder if my mom didn't throw a burning cigarette butt on it and burn the hell out of me.
Halloween is too dumb. Too worthless. I think it's even more worthless than waking up in the morning."
